today down in Redmond coaching for my old club team. Who by the way, won nationals just this last Saturday (June 26th, 2010). I really missed these guys. We had a good run while I was in the club program.Tons of fun hanging/coaching with the guys. *For those that I ended up telling that I originally quite this job, they were hurting on summer staff. Because of that I took up the job again.To the real part of today.
I hung out with my brother Sean Welch. He's pretty much my brother because we're so close. When I hang out, or for that matter talk to Sean, it's about some really serious stuff. If you guys really want to know what we talked about, I wouldn't mind sharing, but it'll take me a few years probably to really feel alright sharing this with anyone. The only reason why I shared this with Sean is because we are so close that I can tell him things like what I told him today. I mean my senior year Sean was someone who really got me through the hard times in my walk with God. As much as I would love to say that I'm walking with God on my own, I'd be lying - slightly. Sean is still there.
Anyways, ummm ... like I said we talked about some hard stuff today. We talked about my freshman year of college - faith wise. We talked about relationships with people. All relationships, by the way. And for those of you reading this, on paper my freshman year looked AMAZING, but deep down there was a hurricane brewing. By the end of my freshman year, actually by the time I came home from summer classes that hurricane had gotten out. It had taken control of me. Yeah I said I was Christian and that I believed in God, but you know what? That's not enough. You gotta live it out. I wasn't. I was hiding it. Not figuratively, but literally. I hid it. I hid every ounce of faith that was in me. Why? I got scared. I got scared as to what God was doing to and with me. I got to a point where I almost had enough and wanted to call quits. (For those of you who know me, this is something hard for me to do because I don't like pointing out my flaws). I started to ask myself: What am I getting out of this? Why do I care? What's the point of this?
College was hard on my faith.
Talking to Sean was a really good thing for me. I just came out of some crappy stuff that was going on at school and instead of me taking the punches, I put my faith in front of me to take the punches. I know I've hung out with friends these past few days, but the reason why I am really wanting personal time this summer is because I need to get back in touch with myself. I lost all sense as to who I was this past semester. I locked the Rick that everyone knew in a box. As much as it hurts me to say this, right now the Rick walking around is semi putting up a front. I'm trying to get me back. I'll get myself back, and I'll just need to trust in God and put a little more faith into him.
For those of you I've hurt these past three months I'm sorry. Sorry I lost connection with some of you guys, I didn't do it on purpose. I know you guys know I still love you. I'm just trying to figure out who I am again.
Lesson of the year: Don't compromise yourself for your feelings and emotions.
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